Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
