You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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