I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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