I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
