and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize