He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
