Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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