No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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