I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize