my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
