will power is for people who don't want to get laid
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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