god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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