I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
