no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize