I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
