It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
