you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
