she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
