Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
