I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
