U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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