Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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