I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
