Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
