I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
