I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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