How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
