I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
