i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
