my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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