His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
