I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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