I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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