I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
