I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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