he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The beer is more important than you right now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
