Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
