In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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