So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize