"it" just moved
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
