haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
