The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
