you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
