I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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