guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I cockslap morals
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize