Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
