i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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