She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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