Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
