yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
