I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
