Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
