They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
