you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
