he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
