I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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