so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
