sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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