I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That's how pantless uber rides happen
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
