Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I won the penis lottery.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
