chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
