I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
