Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize