Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
