so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it because I queefed?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
