so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
