from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
