I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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