Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
