i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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