Is it normal to miss your booty call?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
