You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
