We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
