they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
