at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
