Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
