I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
