yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
