i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
