so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
