I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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