i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
being pregnant is like rehab
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
