If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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