Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
