dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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