i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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