that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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