do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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