I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
A bitchslap is in order.
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