Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
