um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
