when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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