they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you would pick up someone in the library
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
